So he’s gone for almost 3 weeks.
It was my idea of birthday present, this mountain bike trip in the Grand Canyon, so really I am not allowed to complain.
And I don’t intend to.
I mean, the coming days alone with an 8 months baby and a 3,5 years old toddler will be fun.
We have been talking about this for months, whether and how I would cope, on my own with the little devils.
Still, I only realised it when I left him and his bike at the airport, and carried on with the car, Ruben asleep and Emma hanging on the car window, trying to catch a glimpse of a big airplane like Daddy told her he would fly with.
Strangely enough, I was – I am relaxed.
Strangely, because our life has been tough during the last months, with the sleep deprivation (Ruben is still veeeeeeery far from sleeping through), the school and nursery schedules, the stressful work, the never-ending household… so the idea of having to manage our yet-to-be-fine-tuned morning routine without him could be quite scaring.
But I feel relaxed, and prepared to take up the challenge. I even see it as an opportunity to pull myself together.
I have had the impression lately that I was losing track of my priorities, carried away by a rhythm I didn’t control. Sometimes it feels like drowning in a sea of duties, with a deep feeling of failure.
Failure to meet my professional objectives, to be on time at school, to enjoy my children’s company, to keep in touch with friends, to be a loving spouse, to get fit again. I am not gonna bring you back to the mothering burn out story. Let’s just say, it is never far away.
But during the coming days I will have no choice but to focus. Focus on the kids, on their needs, schedules, on our day-to-day organisation and how we can make it easier. By the time Mister K. will come back, I venture to hope we will have found our cruising speed.
Furthermore, considering I will spend all my evenings completely alone, I intend to focus on my dear self as well (after cleaning out our mess, of course).
I know there will be working evenings, others where I will fall sound asleep at 21.00. But I promised I would take at least 15 minutes a day to do… nothing.
Just lay on the couch, listen to music, read a book, have a bath, all those things I don’t do easily, but help keep your balance.
And, of course, I have plans. Like a lot of plans. Like sort out the loft. Like losing those damn 3 last kilos. Like sending the last thank-you cards (I know).
Now that I am writing those lines, I realise I am already loading myself up with so many stuff that can wait (the thank-you cards maybe not).
I guess if I just manage not to freak out in the coming weeks, it will be great and it will be enough.
Anyway, I will keep you posted!